There's your teuchter music on the telly
There's your wee dram of whisky at the bar
There s the barman ready wi' your carry-out
But you better not drive home in your car
Because the polis will take you to the station
And that's where you'll have to stay
When you should be out celebratin'
On a night like Hogmanay

There's the shortbread sitting on the table
There's the steakpie ready in the stove
There's your granny greeting in the corner
There's the snotter running down her nose
There's the next door neighbour getting nasty
And he isnae gonnae go away
Well it looks like you're gonnae have to throw him out
On a night like like Hogmanay.

There s a brick comes flying through your
windae
And it hits your aunty on the head
Well the next door neighbour wants to come back in
But you go out and batter him instead
And as you leave him lying on the pavement
You can hear the pipes begin to play
And it makes you proud to be in Scotland
On a night like Hogmanay.

And soon you will hear the bells a ringing
From the Borders up to John O Groats
And it's 'Auld Lang Syne' that you'll be singing
Here's to you and me and porridge oats
Then you will wake up sitting on the toilet
Sometime during New Years Day
And there'll be very little you'll remember
About a night like Hogmanay.

And as the door bell rings you will wonder
who will be the 'First Foot in your house
well it will be your angry next door neighbour
And you will get your first foot in the mouth
And as they rush you off to the hospital
There is just one thing that you will say
On well I really know how to enjoy maself
on a night like Hogmanay.

John McCusker Ceilidh Band - Battlefield Band's
fiddler plays the Atholl Highlanders. just as he has
done on many a night like Hogmanay

Courtesy of Temple Records & Peter Nadini